I find myself being overprotective of our daughter- but why not? We waited and prayed for her for years, so when she finally became a part of our family, we were unintentionally over-careful.
Several years ago one of the blogs I followed talked about how her kids were free range, and she let them run all around the neighborhood, even at a young age. At the time, I was very put off by it and viewed it as just a bit irresponsible of her.
During the last year or so though, I've been thinking more about hovering and helicopter parenting. LMS is getting older and much more independent. At the same time, I can see her hesitancy to do certain things by herself, some of which is due to what we've allowed/not allowed her to do, and some of which is due to her personality and the fact that she's an only child.
Awhile ago I read Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry). I was caught by the "no worry" part of the title when I saw it in a store and realized I needed to read it because I am a champion worry wart, which has hindered my ability to let LMS be more independent.
One point the author makes is that our children are actually safer than they were in previous generations, but we don't have that perception because of how widely reported crimes are these days. I found that very interesting.
As I read, I also thought about my childhood: was I a free range child?
I think so.
In 4th and 5th grade I rode my bike with two of my sisters two miles each way to and from school (along busy roads), picking up a friend and his sisters along the way. I rode my bike to and from the library occasionally. I didn't enjoy it much because even as a child I was terrified of being kidnapped (I have no idea why), but I still did it.
At the end of 5th grade we moved to an old house out in the country, surrounded by farmfields. We lived way too far away from school for us to ride our bikes, so we ended up on the bus an hour or more every morning and afternoon (great time for finishing up homework!). When I was in 7th grade, however, every Friday after school I got to wander around town. Friday afternoons I had flute lessons at the local music store, and I would walk over from the junior high, but I had time to stop by the library or the dollar store on the way over.
In 9th grade I started seminary, which was held at the house of a family in our ward that lived near the junior high. The other two 9th graders and I would walk to school after class while our older brothers were driven to the high school by our teacher.
The high school was on the other side of town, and not convenient to much, so once I hit high school I was dependent on my brother to drive me around. Which usually meant I had to go where he wanted to go. I didn't get my license till the summer before my senior year (the VW rabbit I drove wouldn't pass inspection because the horn didn't work and the windshield was cracked and I had to wait till my dad got his Volvo fixed so I could use it for the driving portion of the exam), so I didn't do a lot on my own through most of high school.
During the summers though, I was a lot more mobile, despite the fact that we lived in the country. I got my first job at age 12, picking strawberries at the U-pick fruit farm a mile down the road. I'd walk or ride my bike every morning to work. I worked there every summer till I graduated, at which point I got a job at an amusement park 45 minutes away.
I remember riding my bike and going for runs on the narrow country roads that criscrossed the area we lived in. I always took my pepper spray with me for the odd dog that wanted to chase me (usually the great dane two lots over). Even after I got hit by a van while running (we were both at fault), my parents still let us go running and biking by ourselves.
LMS won't be biking or running along our very narrow and busy road anytime soon. I barely go running on it, and I won't bike on it, so that's just not an option. On the other hand, I am working on encouraging her to be more independent and not hovering. She's still young so we have to make sure we're being age-appropriate with our expectations, but I anticipate that we will be allowing her more and more freedom as she gets older.
Were you a free range child? Do you encourage your children to be free range?
I was most definitely a free-range child...up until my dog incident when my parents starting trying to put everyone in a plastic bubble to keep them safe! I was a bit of a control freak with OP, but I've mellowed A LOT since E came along...you'll probably experience the same thing here in a few months! Moving to a new house on a quiet street with a gigantic privacy fence has really helped me let go...my kids can play outside for hours and I don't feel the need to hover over them or direct their play...it's so nice to just let them be kids. But the thought of OP riding a school bus anytime soon gives me the heebies! (Fortunately we're close enough to the school that he won't be riding the bus.) I have a friend who is totally a free-range parent and some of her choices worry me. Especially since they live in our old neighborhood and I know how many registered offenders live in a few block radius...there's giving your kids freedom and then there's burying your head in the sand. It's a fine line, but I think it's important for kids to have freedom as well as boundaries. This is officially the longest comment ever. :)
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